Identity and Potential

I’m not what I think I am.

I’m not what you think I am.

I am what I think you think I am.

When I first learnt this concept of identity, it completely blew me away.

This phenomenon, a "perception of a perception," creates a bubble where external expectations, often from family or society, can limit our ability to pursue our true desires and discover our authentic self.

And I was that person for so much of my life.

Let me explain it in terms of surf t-shirts.

Growing up surfing, I wore surf t-shirts religiously. Not that they were any warmer than other t-shirts. Not that I was driven to invest in my passion. Not because I found the fancy artwork attractive, or even a similar-attired tribe where I belonged.

But because I wanted to think that people around me must think I was cool by wearing Billabong / Rip Curl / Quiksilver / Instinct / Gotcha etc t-shirts.

I defined my identity not by what I was actually doing or being, but by how I thought others were thinking of me.

Ouch.

On one of my global surf adventures, the one from the photo some 30+ years ago in La Gomera, a local boy came up to me and asked if he could have my t-shirt. It was my cherished Quiksilver. It would have been like giving away my identity, for free! I said no.

Ouch.

I keep the photo pinned to the fridge. In part to remind me of the adventure of my youth. In part to remind me of the story I share today, and the subsequent learning.

I look at the man in the photo with compassion at his innocence and naivety, and with the wisdom of the importance of an authentic and strong identity so that I can pass those life lessons along to my teenage daughter and remind her of the phrase of all time:

Know thyself.

I share this too with corporate teams that I work with - that if you can be truly authentic to yourself, your passions, your feelings, your soul, your very identity, then you can tap into the most powerful field of self-leadership.

Then, as you realise the wonder of self-leadership and the true scale of your potential, you will see that none of the first 3 sentences at the start of this post are true.

You will see that there is only one truth.

I am what I am.